The Nightstand Candle: A Glimpse into Marriage
A couple of weeks ago, we suddenly lost power around 2 a.m. As per my usual routine these days, I had not yet attempted sleep; I have been in an odd state of becoming charged up at night. This night was no different. Brian had retired to bed some time before, so I was left to my own devices, and was deep in research mode, looking for a new office chair to purchase for my home office.
I was sitting in the mostly-dark living room when the power cut out. It took me a second to realize what had happened. There was a deafening silence, and total darkness. The whooshing of the noise/sleep machines from the bedroom and the gentle hum of the fridge nearby all suddenly ceased. The ambient light from the random night lights spread throughout the house were off. I sat there for a few moments, waiting to see if it would magically (hopefully!) kick back on.
Alas, it did not. My phone already in hand, I navigated to BGE to report the outage. The estimation was for restoration by 5 a.m. My insomniac charge kicked in even more. We had a fresh grocery run of meats in the fridge that I did not want spoiling. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep without the noise machines, I decided to stick it out and transfer the meats to the freezer in an hour or two if power was not restored by that time.
I went back to my office chair research for a while, eventually abandoning that for the night to preserve battery life. I sat in the darkness for a bit, feeling my body fighting the insomnia and the sleep at the same time.
Not long after, I heard stirring upstairs. Brian was awake, likely wondering why the bedroom was so quiet and dark. He came downstairs inquiring what had happened. I filled him in and turned on our coffee decor kitchen lights and our LED battery tea lights while we sat and waited.
He abruptly stood up from the couch.
"I'm going to grab the candle thing that's sitting on my nightstand and bring it down here."
"We have plenty already down here," I responded,
He was already on his way to retrieve it. "I know, but it's just sitting there anyway, not being used."
I shrugged.
He returned and placed the illuminated, decorative candle holder by his side of the couch. We sat for a bit more. Not long after, the power was restored, the house surging to life with all the WiFi lights on at full blast. We waited for the router to come back online to voice control the lights off. Nearly 4 am, I was getting drowsy now, and was grateful that I didn't have to worry any longer about all the meat in the fridge.
Without warning, Brian suddenly exclaims, "I don't care where this candle thing goes, but it's not going back on my nightstand! I know you have a thing for symmetry, but it's useless and is taking up precious space on my nightstand!"
The drowsiness subsiding a minute, I thought about it. He knows me so well, of course. I do have a thing for symmetry and there is an identical one on my own nightstand.
I reply, "But they're so pretty and it's supposed to be romantic!"
He scoffs, "Romantic? We have the WiFi lights for that! Every time I'm fumbling for my phone or watch or glasses, this non-functional thing gets in the way, and I'm worried I'm going to break it. Can you put it somewhere else, please?"
Exhausted, I comply. "How long has this thing been bugging you? You've never said anything until just now."
"The whole time it's been there," he says.
I think for a moment, mentally figuring how long that has been. It occurs to me that this was an impulse purchase, back in the Summer. Undoubtedly another late night in the myriad of late nights in this pandemic lockdown, coupled with some retail/decorating therapy.
"That's been since at least July," I say.
"I know."
"So why didn't you say something before?"
"I didn't want to upset you. I don't really have opinions on most decorating stuff, but my nightstand is my nightstand and is sacred space."
Can't argue with that. As I placed it on another table in the bedroom, I wasn't really bothered that my weird need for symmetry was now broken. In that moment, I thought about how he dealt with it there for as long as he did, never once voicing a complaint, until that night. As annoyed or as frustrated as he had been with it, he still put my goofy need for symmetry first. But it taught me to be more cognizant and aware of such things for the future. And I do agree that the nightstand is a sacred space. I'm sorry for encroaching on that, Brian. Next time, I'll do better.
But...if I slip, can you promise not to wait three months again to tell me? ❤️
The identical, troublesome candle holder, on my nightstand. 🤣
Marriage is a compromise. This is OUR house. These are OUR things. There are only a few exceptions in our situation that do not apply. Like, say, clothes. Mine are mine, yours are yours. For the most part, anything that the both of us use belongs to the both of us. It's ours. Happily so, I might add.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, you don't use my nightstand. I do. Not once in the near-eleven months that we've lived in this house have you ever had any reason to store anything in its drawers. This is why you have your own. Your space for the various sundry you wish to keep close to you while you sleep, (phone, time piece, noise machines, etc.) so that it may be easily reached throughout the night.
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ReplyDeleteNow, those you who might not know me too well, first off, let me say hello. I am your stereotypical cis-gendered straight male. When it comes to most material things in my life, I am all about function over fashion. My half of OUR closet looks like a funeral director's wardrobe because black goes with everything and it's slimming. I've often thought, since watching Schitt's Creek, that David Rose would have a field day looking at my wardrobe. He'd throw a quick quip of, "Are we in mourning?" and maybe an, "Ew!" before shutting the closet door. I make no apologies for this. It's been who I am since I was able to make decisions about what I keep through this life.
Now, back to the nightstand. That little LED candle, and the seemingly EXTREMELY FRAGILE glass container in which it lived, served absolutely NO function to me. It literally took up space, and from my point of view, did nothing but gather dust. In the months that we've lived here, I have turned it on for ambience exactly ZERO times.
Now, I can't speak for my wife using it when she goes in the bedroom to sequester herself for a call to her mother, or to close her eyes and try to let the idiocy of the day pass from her, (myself included in said idiocy), while I'm making noise somewhere else in the house. But, I never used it. Not once.
On top of that, our bedroom is VERY. VERY. VERY. DARK. It was designed to be this way as both my wife and I prefer to sleep in as close to perfect darkness as possible. Neither of us being morning people, we both enjoy sleeping in beyond dawn. Our eastern facing window gets full sun exposure at roughly 7:30 am here. This was not going to fly. Generally we keep those curtains closed because we find that if we move them too much, they don't close tightly enough to keep all the light possible out of the room.
Being the aforementioned night-owl that I am, I will normally come to bed long after Jessica has gone to sleep. So, I'm literally fumbling around in the dark more often than not most nights. I'm usually beyond exhausted when I find myself sitting on the edge of the bed, taking off my watch, wedding ring, and glasses, and along with my mobile phone, setting them on the nightstand to rest for the evening, within reach should an emergent situation arise. In the absolute darkest of dark.
I've nearly broken that damn glass container on at least four separate occasions. Our Nightstands are fairly high off the ground. Although we have wall-to-wall carpet in our home, I am 100% sure that should this fall from said height, it would shatter. Given the issues I'm having with my feet, I don't need another very plausible injury sustained because something I don't use, that serves no purpose in my opinion, is simply taking up space upon my nightstand.
So, when the power went out for a few hours a while back, and I was not able to sleep without the white noise machines blasting in the background, I brought said container and LED candle downstairs to add to the light of the room.
ReplyDeleteYou ask why it took me four months to voice my opinion?
Because I love you. Because I know of your OCD/quirkiness for symmetry. Because I know if I simply just removed it, you'd ask why and want to put it back.
So, I gave it a sincere effort to assimilate it into my existence.
I don't care that there are butterflies attached to the wall downstairs in my living room. I don't care that there are LED candles sitting on sconces through the kitchen and living room. I don't care that the coffee signs dominate one wall of the kitchen. I don't care that my shower curtain is red. I don't care that the hue of the bedroom is a turquoise blue. These things do not bother me because they do no affect my existence in any way, shape, or form. But, I know that YOU like them, wife. So given their non-interference, I don't say anything.
This glass container and LED candle in question, however, did get in my way, many times. Given that this is OUR house, I think you can make one small, insignificant compromise for me in its decoration, and house that damn thing somewhere else where I will not, half-asleep and in the middle of the night, break it.
I promise should anything else pop up and chap my derriere in the way that that did, I will surely speak my mind and not hold my peace.