The Zen of Social Distancing

One of the most striking observations I've made during the 8+ months now of the Pandemic, is actually how little the social distancing aspect has really affected me overall. Being introverted certainly contributes to this greatly, but I think it also goes a bit deeper than that. 

It wasn't always like that, though. I look back on my former, younger self, in what feels like a lifetime ago, and I was very much the social butterfly. Or at least, I tried to be. All of the youth ministry/church involvement, school activities and typical social things that adolescents and young adults do were aplenty and constantly at my disposal. But the fact is, I was never truly a part it or fully accepted into any of it. 

In some cringe worthy recollections, I look back on myself trying so damn hard to become a part of it, all of it, and never really succeeding in doing so, and only trying that much harder as a reactionary result. It was, in a lot of ways, my own personal Myth of Sisyphus battle that I kept fighting and raging on. But I was always just on the edge of it, or just outside of it - and perhaps because of, or in spite of that fact, I relentlessly persisted to no avail. 

With age and considerable experience, came the sheer exhaustion and fresh perspective. By my college years, I wasn't trying nearly as much. I pulled back and began to experience the joy of just being with myself and enjoying my solitude. I was beginning to shy away from opportunities to put myself out there to potentially forge relationships, be it platonic or romantic. I became more selective and discriminating with my time and effort. Like a fine wine, that aspect of my personality has aged and served me well as I have moved on to middle age. And so I kinda live by the motto that it's better to have a few meaningful and true friendships, than a thousand ones that are empty and fake. 

Which all loops me back to the present day and relative state of things. There are, of course, some aspects from the Before Times that I do sincerely miss. But it's quite different for me and what I assume is for most others. It's mostly the absence, or at least the limitation of choice and spontaneity, and knowing the higher risk category Brian and I both fall under in regards to virus is always present in my mind. 

Although there have been a small handful of restaurant outings in these last few months, it's not the completely enjoyable experience that it once was. The far-reaching and penetrating effects of the virus has unfortunately dampened a lot of that simple joy of choice and spontaneity. I totally understand these limitations are necessary for safety, but that is what I mourn and miss the most - not other people. I see my Mom infrequently and for brief, always masked periods, as she also ticks the high risk checkbox, and we keep our general distance for safety sake and out of an abundance of extreme caution. 

And so, it's been a lot of nesting, binge watching shows and movies. Fits and spurts of organizing and decorating the still new-to-us place. And with the career move greatly improving my mental and emotional health, the desire to write slowly emerged from long being dormant. Reclaiming that creative aspect and eschewing the utter exhaustion, and disappointment that accompanies most social experiences has been nothing short of liberating. And I'm content with it all, really. 

Even social media doesn't hold the amount of pleasure it once did. The divisiveness that has spilled into that arena is a extreme turn off that's largely an exhausting waste of time and energy. It's made me recognize that just because you knew someone at some time and place in your life, does not mean that anything meaningful and worthwhile is going to be forged there. As such, I've even had to modify their existence in my social media environment for better peace of mind.

So, what's my point with all of this semi-babbly post? It's that it's OK if you feel the same. It's OK to admit that, even if it's only to yourself. I am sad that this virus rages on as it has and is needlessly killing so many people - that's for sure. But the safety measures put in place to prevent the spread and protect us hasn't affected me that much socially, if at all. And I embrace that proudly as a defined aspect of my personality that's here to say, the mosaic of past experiences that I hold and carry with me, reminding me that it's OK to not try so hard, or at all, and simply just be. And it's more than OK for you to feel this way, too. 

It's OK to allow yourself to seek and explore the Zen of a less social existence. 💖