Rebirth Day

Note: This entry depicts issues surrounding menstruation and reproductive matters. If you're sensitive to any of these topics and don't wish to read further, please feel free to exit and skip this post.

Two years ago today marks the day I consider my Rebirth Day.

Such a strange and bewildering experience has brought me here. I could probably write a book about all that has transpired over a several month span back in 2018. So here goes the (sort of) abridged version. 

My bits decided to sprout some fibroids, wreaking all sorts of havoc with various aspects of daily life. Gnarly, alien-like masses (which are rarely malignant, thankfully) invaded my womb and body, a byproduct of the natural and cyclical hormonal fluctuations. Fibroids are incredibly common and there is nothing that can be done to prevent them from growing. Simply being equipped with female parts is the only known risk factor. 

My largest and most problematic fibroid was approximately the size of a (growing!) tennis ball or peach, impacting several surrounding organs, my daily activities and my overall quality of life. Hysterectomy is the only true fibroid cure, and after careful consideration, that's what I ultimately decided to have done. They also removed my tubes and cervix as a preventative measure to reduce cancer risk. I retained my ovaries for their optimal health benefits. 

In addition to the fibroids, previously undiagnosed and extensive Endometriosis was found. The surgeon first had to free up the bladder from the scar tissue, which had all become attached to the abdominal wall. He also needed to ensure that the bladder was functioning and working properly. Had I not chosen a hysterectomy to start, it likely would have ended up that route anyhow upon that surprise discovery. 

Throughout this journey, I also connected with some truly inspirational women through a fibroid support group on Facebook. This is a pervasive and debilitating condition which does not discriminate on basis of age, ethnicity or childbearing status. There are many out there who can hardly function and had it way worse off than I did, which was still pretty shitty. These women are solid warriors, and I still marvel in their unwavering strength throughout their various battles. The common bond for all of us is the fight to survive another day. That was a powerful and humbling experience to connect with them. 

In the two short months between my diagnosis  and surgery day, I seemingly ran through the spectrum of emotions that comes along for the ride. Indeed, it's not easy to initially accept that the only cure for an affliction you have means that a part of you will be removed and gone forever - regardless of its intended function and purpose - or the utilization thereof.

While I chose not to bear any children, I have still always considered menstruation an invaluable barometer of overall health; ironically, its evolution is largely what alerted me that something was amiss in the first place. It will now be an absent element and puzzle piece for whenever I enter menopause. I weirdly felt a twinge of sadness about that. Understandably, it has also been intertwined with my female identity, and it was surely a bit of an adjustment to mentally disentangle from that. 

Although, in the two years since, I can honestly say that I absolutely don't miss the hassle, frustration and how much it overtook my life. Never again will I be at a mammogram appointment and feel the uncontrollable gush of menstrual blood to the point of needing to sit on an old sheet (I thankfully had in my trunk) for the drive home, so as not to ruin the car's upholstery. Never again will I need to worry about which overnight pads don't work anymore, and graduating to the bladder control pads that might. Never again will I need to eventually go on prescription medications to ease the uterine bleeding. Never again will it rule nearly every aspect of my life. Never again. 

My hysterectomy took place exactly four months into my 40th year on this Earth. I totally consider this day my Rebirth Day. 💖